Addie is 4 Months!!

Smile!!
Silly Face Time!

Achoo!!

Happy 4 Months my precious munchkin!! I love you to pieces more and more every day. I didn't know this much love for somebody was possible, but you have shown me just how much love I am capable of giving. Thank you for that!

In the past month you have started "daycare" with Grandma Jones and I know you are both having so much fun together. I get pictures and videos as evidence! You smile when you see people you know and even people you don't know. For the first time, I saw you get scared while in somebody else's arms and you looked for me for comfort. You giggle and laugh when Daddy and I make silly faces and squeal with delight when we say "HI!!" over and over at you. You learned how to pet Goose, and smile when he licks your hand.

Tummytime isn't quite the fail that it used to be. You let us put you on your tummy a few times a day as long as we're showing you a toy that you like. When you see Sophie or Tiggy you grin so wide and reach for them. They go with you everywhere and ride in the carseat with you every day. At Grandma's you have an owl toy that you adore. You can talk to the owl for 15 minutes straight! At home you like your lion pull toy and the bee that hangs over your tummy time mat because they both play nature sounds and music.

I am so amazed and thankful for your wonderful sleep habits. You still sleep through the night, but on the rare occasion you do wake up, I smile because you always wake up so happy.

You love when I grab your hands so you can pull yourself up to a sitting position. Slow down Addie!! You're only a baby for such a short time... stop growing up so fast! When you're lying down you lift your head and neck up so much trying to sit up like a big girl.

I'm so proud to be your mommy. I love you so much Addie!

Life. My new normal.

So much has happened in the past four months, and unfortunately, I haven't had the time or energy to blog about it. I started back to work Feb 1, and it's been a difficult journey to say the least. My new mantra is the Serenity Prayer:

I need serenity to accept the fact that I cannot be a stay at home mom, but so far, it isn't working. I cry daily because I have to be away from my sweet Addie and it's killing me inside. I told Zac today that either I can't be a good teacher because I'm trying to be a good mom, or I can't be a good mom because I'm trying to be a good teacher. Either way, something is getting the shaft because I have yet to find the right balance.

Then I see I need courage to change the things I can... so what does that mean? What is it that I can change? CAN I be a SAHM? Or, do I need to change my attitude? Is that possible? Because honestly, I don't see how it is...

So, I guess I'm looking at Him for the courage to know the difference because right now, I have no idea what it is. I'll just continue to pray for answers so that I can find happiness again. Happiness within myself, my husband, my family, my work, and my life.

I don't like my new "normal."